I hate feeling the blahs. I really do and I can feel myself slipping into a pretty decent case of them. It’s hard to say what brings them on too. Sometimes they come as a let down after a big event such as a major holiday or winning a scholarship based on an essay you poured your heart and soul into. Sometimes it’s almost a self-defense mechanism. No, wait, sometimes it comes as a distractive mini-funk in anticipation of a change or task I’m supposed to be accomplishing. A change like figuring out where to start looking for a new job or career, getting my resume together, sending out the resume and posting it on job websites. Those are still relevant right, job websites? Shit.
Oh and speaking of shit, my hair looks like it! Seriously. It’s well past time for a touch-up because my ponytail is looking wild, woolly and bumpy. The longer I put THAT off, the worse it looks and feels. I have to stop scratching my itchy scalp for at least a week first. It’s a black thing that non-African-Americans don’t have to worry about or understand.
My 30,000-mile tune-up is due, overdue on my car and I’m still recovering financially from moving two and half months ago. I have not written my amends letter to a family member that I said I’d write many, many times before. I told my spiritual advisor I’d write it last night so I could read it to her before the end of the week.
I’m not cooking as much as I want and need to for my health and current busy lifestyle. So you know what that means? Giving in to Baby Bub when she calls to ask me to stop at Wendy’s on the way home. She’ll pay me back Friday (her payday and a week from mine). I was tired and hungry, almost hitting town. I’d just been to National University’s library with my angel friend Paulie, getting pointers on how to present and punch up a resume. I caved, stopped at Wendy’s and bought food for her and myself, of course. Now I’m sitting here feeling overly full and bloated.
DAMN… This IS a pretty decent case of the blahs. Now in the past, feeling this way would be a precursor to a major depressive episode. Today, though, I know it’s just my head running against me. So I took a little break and I called my girl, Dawny. I spewed all the icky stuff from my blog, remember she’s my sounding board, and some stuff I’m not ready to face in the blogosphere. I got a much-needed reality check. I’m not giving myself enough credit and beating myself up at the same time.
I also figured out a few other things that might be impeding my usual stellar life coping skills. My yoga class was cancelled last night and my last two appointments with my therapist have been three weeks apart instead of every other week! Missing yoga class is showing just how important its become to my self-care. My therapist had a couple of personal life events come up that fell on the day of the week that we meet. So I’ve decided to give myself a break. I can’t get all of that shit I wrote about at the beginning done tonight anyway!
I am going to tackle my hair tonight, though. If you don’t believe how bad it looks, check it out. And I will get to the other things as well. Probably not as quickly as my head tells me I should, but they will get done. I am willing to do the footwork and leave the results to my Higher Power. I already have a dinner date to COOK meatloaf and rice tomorrow night. Dawny is bringing the veggies for steaming. So there, take that you silly, impatient and belittling voice in my head. The voice of my blahs.
Lastly, I want to leave you all with a meme that nearly brought tears to my eyes when I came across it today. It’s from Sweatpants And Coffee on Facebook. It’s a phenomenal page. Check them out at the link below if you are so inclined!