Who Or What Is ‘Holding Space’ For You?

I first heard this term holding space from my then new yoga teacher last summer when I started attending classes. I wasn’t sure that it meant, but she would say it often when referring to why she laughs while teaching classes instead of cries as emotions come up for her when she holds certain asanas (poses). Or why she doesn’t do Savasana (corpse pose) at the end of class with us. She’d say she couldn’t because she was holding space for us, students. Gradually I started to sense what this term meant based on how I progressively felt with each yoga class. I felt safe but in a broader, deeper sense of the word. Not just safe physically, but emotionally, spiritually and mentally. An all encompassing safety which allows for me to be challenged by the asanas or even myself. An all encompassing safety which allows for emotions, often accompanied with tears and feelings of grief or loss. A space where there is no judgment, condemnation or censure. There is acceptance, encouragement, support, humor and love without conditions. It’s absolutely incredible and so wonderful to experience. I think of Bright Yoga as my home studio. I’ve done yoga in other places, like a yoga manifestation retreat in Ojai and My Om Yoga studio in Huntington Beach for an essential oils lecture with a sound bath. They’ve been challenging and transformative in the case of the retreat and just phenomenal in the case of the sound bath. I am sure I will venture to other studios for various yoga related activities and events, but Bright Yoga is where my regular practice and primary yogini bonds are formed. It’s not just the teachers, my other fellow students are just as responsible for creating room for our teachers to hold space for us! The best part of this is our teachers are always encouraging us to create and maintain a home practice of yoga, which in turn teaches us to hold space for ourselves.

I’d been thinking about writing a blog on this topic when a fellow writer posted a link which explained it so perfectly. In my research of this term hold space, I was directed again and again to an academic named Heather Plett who wrote a blog about what the phrase meant for her, which went viral. She defined it as this,  “It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgment and control.” Here is the link my writer friend posted on Facebook, which is an article by Heather Plett herself: http://heatherplett.com/2015/03/hold-space/

Looking back over my life, I realize my 12 step meetings were the first places to hold space for me when I so desperately needed it. The meetings, in turn, encouraged me to get a spiritual advisor, known as a sponsor, to guide me through the 12 steps. These advisors walked with us through our journey of recovery, without judgment yet providing guidance with unconditional support as we worked on ourselves. Sound familiar? Eventually, this taught spiritual discernment in seeking out, being drawn to or recognizing people and places that can hold space for me. All before I had a true definition or recognition of the thing. I just love getting a glimpse of how God and The Universe can unfold for us.

So to answer my original question in my blog topic, my kick-ass therapist is a no brainer, as is my spiritual advisor. The facilitator of The Big Island Writers Workshop, Beth Bornstein Dunnington, does a phenomenal job of  holding space for us writers to discover our stories, explore them in a deeper way and share them. I have many, many friends who love me dearly but less than a handful that can hold space, and that’s mainly because it’s damn near impossible to not want to fix or impact an outcome for someone you love that is hurting or struggling. I’m not talking about “yes” friends who co-sign bullshit either, I moved away from those types of friendships years ago. I’m talking about the one or two friends you can go to with your heart cracked wide open, your world falling apart or your back against the wall. The rare friend that will hold your hand or walk beside you giving you silent compassion and space to grieve, hurt, learn the lesson and grow stronger. Without judgment, advice, rescue or taking control. It’s a priceless, invaluable privilege to have these people in my life and I aspire to give them the same.