To Date or Not To Date. Is That Really The Question?

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve dated or been in a relationship. Somewhere north of 15 years but south of 20. Yes, it’s been THAT long. So it’s kind of a big deal to put me out there.  Yet, it doesn’t really feel like a big deal. Plus the question isn’t really to date or not to date. It’s not even a question of am I ready. I’ve been ready to date for a while now. I’ve gotten over the fear of losing my sense of self over a man because truly, what you see is what you’ll get. I’m happy and self-assured with who I am and what I can offer today. I’m over the unrealistic romantic notions of dating and relationships that I didn’t know I carried until I started to recognize and accept honest, healthy examples my friends showed me.

It’s been seven years since I had that identity crisis of not knowing who I was and not wanting to go another 12 years without a relationship. Because that was the other part of my fear and upset when I confessed to my then new spiritual advisor in my blog http://buildyourownbrave.com/2016/02/16/what-i-bring-to-the-table/. I didn’t want to be alone for the rest of my life but I didn’t know or trust who I was at the time. But now? To paraphrase that fabulous Virgina Slims ad, “I’ve come a long way, baby!”

The reason this is coming up because a new co-worker, who recently starting dating suggested I try a social media app called Tinder. The first time she mentioned it, I didn’t really give it much thought. But a day or so later, she turned to me to again to clarify that Tinder is a really good app for meeting people. It didn’t have to be a “hook-up” as it’s usually known for. She was really enthusiastic about it and I gave it some thought. Then this weekend I was watching a talk show on the OWN network called It’s Not You, It’s Men. They had the founder of Tinder and a sociologist talking about how the app worked. This felt like a little more than a coincidence so I posted a status on Facebook stating that I was thinking of trying Tinder and asked for comments, concerns or suggestions. As you can imagine, or already saw or personally responded, I had all manner of comments, concerns, and suggestions. I had some reach out to me via private message with good feedback and suggestions on other social media sites based on their experience. A friend or two approached me at work to express their opinions too. Honestly, it was pretty amusing and very, very touching to feel the love and concern of my tribe. 

The answer to the blog topic is no, that is not the question. The question is that with so much on my plate already concerning recovery, blogging, yoga with upcoming yoga training, writing workshops, working towards my Work/Life Mission, being a long distance but crazy-in-love Mae-Mae (grandma) and working at a full-time stressful job, do I even want to throw DATING into the mix??? Considering the energy, time and effort I might have to use weeding through posers, jokers, players, and cheaters; probably not. HA HA! Probably not, at least not right now. But it feels good to know I’m a little closer. More importantly, it feels incredible to know I’m not driven by any unhealthy need to “find” someone to “complete or rescue” me. Until then, you KNOW I’ll keep ya posted!