Sick And Losing My Way

I am currently down with that yucky flu going around. I believe I caught it from someone at work because several co-workers came to work with it. Due to the fairly recent change at work from accrued sick time to PTO (paid time off) many of us just can’t afford to stay home more than a day or two while battling this particularly tenacious bug. So we end up infecting each other because we work in  a cubicle petri dish environment. I felt it coming on this past Saturday and it just got worse and worse. I spent most of Sunday in bed and dragged myself to work Monday and Tuesday. But by Tuesday, my ribs and upper back were killing me from a persistent, hacking cough and my energy was pretty much non-existent. I spent close to a quarter of that day in the bathroom, resting more so than anything else. After another night of alternately dosing myself with TheraFlu and coughing which woke me up when it wore off, I just couldn’t make it into work on Wednesday.

I know being at home sick is not the best time to assess my progress with “building my brave” or “working towards my work and life Mission”, but when your energy is this low, there is a certain level of honesty that you just can’t ignore or distract yourself from. Even before I got sick I could feel myself struggling with what to write here in my blog on a regular basis, with gathering the energy and enthusiasm with my yoga practice and most especially with continuing the A-Z Mindful Living email series. Which by the way, I still have not completed and stalled on the letter “P” for Pause. For whatever reason, since we switched the day of the week that we normally talk, I’ve only been remembering to connect and call my spiritual advisor every OTHER week. Like right now, it’s almost 9 pm and I just realized tonight is the night we should have talked and I can’t remember if we talked last week. I think we did. Shit… So it feels like I am losing my way. Actually based on my actions I am slacking. I’m feeling a sense of disappointment in myself and since I’m being honest, also a lack of faith and commitment. Not sure when or where it started but it’s here.

I am such a hot, sick mess right now that even I understand I need to give myself a break. But when I got over this flu? I need to call on accountability, responsibility and just plain willingness to get past this. Willingness to face some health issues I’ve been ignoring, willingness to be responsible for working on my spiritual conditioning and willingness to recommit. I mean, what else is there to do? If nothing else, my journey has taught me that going back is not the solution. It’s getting to the path again.