How To Live And Let Live

“Despite how open, peaceful and loving you attempt to be, people can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves” — Matt Khan

Newsflash, some people have no desire to meet themselves on any level. Others aren’t even aware that’s an option. So what do you do? What can you do? You keep doing you. This means continue to be open, peaceful and loving to those who can appreciate it, to those who can value it and return it. As for the others, you can accept where they are capable of meeting you, as long as it is not harmful or abusive. Accept them and move on or let go, whichever the case may be.

This, of course, is much easier said than done. Especially if it is someone close to you, even family. Trust me, I’ve been here with good friends, my children and family at various points in my life. Let me tell you… When Baby Bub turned 14 years old, she went through a hellacious she-devil phase! And trust me, she-devil, is not the word I wanted to use when referring to her during that time in our lives. It lasted 3 years too! Just about everything I said or did back then caused her to blow up with extreme anger, exasperation or frustration. How did I get through that phase without wringing her neck, jumping down her throat or escalating the situation by reacting in kind? I had friends, who had been through this warn me ahead of time. They assured me it would pass, allowed me to vent my anger and frustration to them, and they commiserated with me. I also had 12 step meetings, a sponsor and my support group of close friends. I also had a sense of humor. I didn’t try to force her to be anything other than who she was at that time unless she crossed a line, which she did a time or two. Once I gave her that boundary, she never crossed it again but continued to push. She gradually came out of that phase. So gradually that I didn’t recognize it for what it was at first.

It doesn’t get any easier when your children are adults. It’s actually harder. It’s not easy to see close friends go through similar situations with their own children. But I get to be the one, this time, to reassure them, commiserate and remind them that it’s ok to be open, peaceful and loving. Just not with these people who don’t appreciate, or just aren’t capable of it right now. Allow people to be who they are. Love them but don’t let them harm you. Accept and understand what is in your control or influence and what or who is not.

Again, this is much easier said than done. What if it is a friend or acquaintance within a circle of friends or community? The same concept applies. Understand they are being the best version of themselves that they are capable of. Sometimes people are just not in a healthy place and those around them may not be the healthiest either. What do you do? What can you do? You keep doing you and let them go be who they are. Understand that they are not capable of meeting themselves on a meaningful level, be grateful you can and move on. Don’t take on what isn’t yours, no matter how hard they try to make it yours.

Here is what I am grateful for today. At this stage of my life, I am old enough, mature enough and evolved enough to steer clear of the vast majority of bullshit in life. I’d like to think I’m also intuitive enough to steer clear of those who stir up bullshit and drama in their lives along with the lives of others. Even when it’s family. It’s that simple, but boy is it ever hard. Of course, most anything worthwhile in life is, isn’t it? I mean, that’s the price for real maturity, spiritual growth and emotional sobriety as well as physical sobriety.