Limbo and Lag Time

I don’t do well with limbo or lag time. Maybe a more accurate statement is I don’t like being in limbo or dealing with lag time. There’s too much time for my head to start running and my mind to start thinking. Especially when I’m anticipating something new, different and almost certainly life-altering. Something like a Yoga Manifestation Retreat over New Years. Or a Big Island Writer’s Workshop. Or Yoga Teacher Training. You see all three of those exciting and amazingly cool opportunities came about because I’ve put myself “out there” in a way I’ve never done before. However, I’m beginning to understand the true paradox which applies to my situation. Even though I’ve come by each of these amazing events by putting myself out there, I’ll have to go within, deeply within myself to accomplish the objective of each opportunity.

I’m getting a lot of questions from friends and family about the Manifestation Retreat in Ojai. I answer the best that I can, but even Jen Pastiloff  on her website says it can’t be adequately explained except that it’s pure magic. Almost all the testimonials say that the retreats are magic. There’s a little yoga, a lot of writing, dancing, singing, laughter, tears and a whole lot of magic. I know there is a lot of naming, confronting, shouting your deepest fears and manifesting what you deeply wish or desire. I’ve only met Jen once and she’ll be the only one I know there. I think the count is up to 30 people or so. And The Big Island Writers Workshop? The writer/director/actress Beth Bornstein-Dunnington is all over my Facebook newsfeed writing up eloquent, moving accounts of her workshops in Boston. These are smaller, more intimate groups of serious writers gathering for one day to write based on prompts that Beth comes up with. The writings are read aloud and shared with the group, then they go back and write something deeper after feedback from the group. Then there is the 200 Hour Yoga Teacher Training. I already mentioned in my previous blog post that I’ve been reading the materials given to me. It’s SUCH a huge commitment of mental, physical, emotional and spiritual energy.

The more time I have to think about these upcoming events the more it feels like ‘my mouth writing checks my ass can’t cash’ all over again, http://buildyourownbrave.com/2015/08/29/my-mouth-wrote-a-check-and-my-ass-is-desperately-trying-to-cash-it/.  What if I don’t have what it takes to help bring magic? What if Jen’s magic doesn’t work for me? What if I freeze up in Beth’s workshop when she gives the writing prompt? What if I can’t write? What if I don’t have the required energy and effort it takes to become certified to teach yoga? What if I don’t really have what it takes to be what I want to be when I grow up? Shit, that is A LOT of “what ifs” isn’t it? I told you I don’t do well with limbo and lag time. It sucks feeling stuck in the hallway, but you know what they say about that right? PRAISE HIM, TRUST HIM, BELIEVE HIM when he puts you where you’ve never been but want to be.

My Dawny told me HER spiritual adviser says, “you know what you can do when you’re stuck in the hallway? Sweep it while you wait for a door to open.” I like that too!

I committed right here on my blog almost from the beginning that I would answer His call- every time. Even if, or especially when His call seems to come from within by putting myself out there. Ha! How’s that for paradox?