My kick-ass therapist said something in our last session that my heart recognized or maybe I remembered reading somewhere not too long ago. It takes a while for the outer life to catch up to inner growth. The life I’m living now, today, is a manifestation of my thoughts, intentions, and choices five years ago. I need to develop patience and trust the Universe/God is in the process of shifting my life. She told me to imagine my life five years from now based on my thoughts, intentions, and choices towards the heart centered life I’ve committed myself to. As soon as I took in her words there was a sense of relief in my recognition of the truth of her words.
I recalled a short while ago, feeling frustrated, discouraged and stuck because I had experienced tremendous inner growth, but I was still living the same old life, working at an overwhelming job. It felt like nothing was really happening with my life despite my commitment to eventually work and live from my heart. I was twisted in knots about my plans and timeline for yoga teacher training, life coach training and writing. All so I could leave my overwhelming, stressful job and start to live and work from my Mission statement! But the reality is I’ve been living a heart centered life for some time now. My years of Divine discontent and discomfort had been moving there all along.
The quality of my relationships with my children, my adult children are a good indication. Baby Bub has been more open and talkative about her life with me lately. She asks my advice and direction (in a limited capacity of course) on things she is “adulting” her way through such as finding a new job, putting in a two-week notice at her current job, and figuring out how to get a new social security card because hers has been lost over the years. She borrowed my car this morning, dropping me off at work so she could go to the Social Security Administration building. I took her into work to show her off and it was a hoot. A lot of my co-workers know her and there were some who had not met her yet. She kept telling everybody she was “dropping off her 48-year-old child at work”. I had lunch with my oldest son, Charles earlier in the week. A feat that was long in the making, as it kept getting rescheduled. It was a nice lunch, which he insisted on paying for since I am always leaving him food at his desk. Towards the end of the lunch, he opened up to me and really shared some things from his heart. I was quite surprised as he is extremely private, but I was grateful he felt he could tell me what was on his mind and some of his plans. I was overwhelmed with the emotion of the moment and for most of the day afterward. Thank God it was a day for my therapy appointment. She was the one who pointed out that my children are turning to me because of the changes I am making in myself and my life. I called my middle child, Ahbuh today to catch up with him. He’s so funny, I love him to Life! He said he wasn’t doing too bad, just life stuff, which made me chuckle because I know that feeling and I told him so. I congratulated him for successfully “adulting”. I’m profoundly grateful for the growing connections with my children which I believe is a result of my choices to be more open-hearted.
Getting back to what my therapist said, I thought back to exactly where I was in my life five years ago. I was feeling bored with my current position at my company. One I’d held for five years so I was ready for a change. I applied for a supervisory position, which I didn’t get and devastated me at the time. I was a finalist for that supervisory position and it raised my profile at the company with management. Less than a year later I promoted into my current position, which was a lot more money and responsibility. Today I am living the life I intended and chose back then, it just no longer serves the direction I am headed.
This is a deeper aspect and understanding of trusting the process. I trust I am growing into my heart centered life and more importantly, I trust God and the Universe are shifting my life to meet each stage of my growth. I find peace and patience in that. How cool is that?