I’ve decided to write a blog about naming my fears another time because I am more excited about footwork and faith. My intention to become a certified yoga teacher this summer and attend a yoga retreat in Bali next summer has lit a fire inside me! The fact that both of these plans are happening with my home yoga studio, Bright Yoga, makes it all the sweeter. And that’s the other thing. My intentions have become plans with footwork to be done and faith to see me through.
There was a time not so long ago when I’d discourage myself from believing I could accomplish something so different and bold like yoga teacher training or travel to the other side of the world to Bali. I did it late last year when my yoga teacher announced details on the retreat to Bali this year. I immediately dismissed the idea that I could afford it. Here’s the thing, I wanted to go but I never gave myself the chance. I shut myself down and that was it. Except, I was really disappointed I couldn’t go and it was difficult at times to listen to all of my beautiful new yoga friends talk about the trip as the date go closer.
Earlier this year I began researching other local yoga studios that offered teacher training programs when I found out my home studio’s program wouldn’t start until summer of this year. There were a few I considered because of location or scheduling and pricing. I even contacted one or two, but I once I participated in my studio’s challenge to practice yoga every day for 31 days in January, I realized I may not have been ready for a teacher training program then. I got sick with the flu shortly after that and missed a week or so of yoga classes. I started to doubt myself and my abilities in my yoga practice. Eventually, I slid into a funk of fear, uncertainty and depression as I stayed away from my practice longer and longer. It felt like I would never accomplish anything I wanted to do, a familiar refrain when feeling low and depressed. I worried about cost, especially after having to pay federal taxes this year. I worried I wouldn’t be able to perform my practice since I’d been away so long.
I finally returned to my yoga classes and it was like coming home to myself. The owner of the studio and one of my teachers gave me a big hug and told me she missed me. I’d missed her and the studio too. I confessed my worry to her about the cost of teacher training since I had to pay federal taxes. She assured me I would get trained and they’d work with me on payment arrangements. I’ve renewed my commitment to saving for those arrangements and I never lost my abilities to practice yoga. I continue to advance. I’m walking during the week at work and hiking on the weekends. I’m reading my yoga books and I trust if I continue to follow my teachers, my faith will see me certified as a yoga teacher by summer’s end.
This time, when my teacher announced her plan for another Bali retreat next year, it seems I’d learned my lesson. All of the beautiful Facebook photos and posts about the trip showed me I still wanted to go. This time instead of shutting myself down, I opened myself up to the hope and possibility of going which became an intention that took on a life of its own. Now I’m following through on footwork and plans to fundraise this trip. So many people, beginning with my teacher, were enthusiastic in their encouragement and support. I’ve raised close to $300.00 and I am following through on more opportunities due to help and suggestions from friends. I still don’t know how much the trip will cost, my teacher says her bookkeeper is working out the cost with the eco-sanctuary in Ubud. But I have faith that whatever the cost, I’ll get there. Footwork and Faith will see me through.