A Check-Up from the Neck Up

This past weekend was kind of heavy for me. I’d set some goals for the long weekend that centered on two pieces of personal writing. Writing even more personal than what I blog about here. As mentioned in my prior posts, I have a tendency to get fearful, then isolate. Well, this weekend was no exception. I still made it out for my meetings, but I kept to myself mostly with little to no socializing before or afterward. I did a lot of sleeping and emotional eating, something I hadn’t done in a while. I took Friday off from work because I just couldn’t go in there another day and a three day weekend was not enough time away from that place. But by Sunday afternoon I hadn’t written a word. I beat myself up for being me, the baby stepper with the tendency to Cha-Cha slide.

Eventually, I got honest with a few of my close friends that asked me how I was doing. I wrote something just to get started and took a little time to go walking Sunday evening before stopping off at another meeting. When I got home I did some more writing and the essay I’d been avoiding started to emerge and take shape. I finally finished it about 30 minutes ago and read it to my dear friend and sounding board. I broke down while I was reading it to her. It was that personal and gut level. I have no idea if it will “wow” the editors that I am submitting it to, because that was one of their criteria. But it was honest, from my heart, gut-wrenching, and brave. So that hit the other criteria for submission.

I didn’t get the second piece of writing done, but that’s ok. I’m not ready for that one yet, but I will be soon. The truth of the matter is that while things didn’t go according to how my head thought they should, it got done. The writing that needed to get done is finished and will be submitted in a timely manner. And while I experienced some fear this weekend, I rolled with it. I lived through it and came out the other side of it a lot sooner than I used to. And while I beat myself up, I’m not emotionally or spiritually black and blue over it. The emotional eating was not completely out of hand and I managed to hike and do some walking this weekend to get me moving.

In the 12 step rooms, we strive for progress, not perfection. Looking back on this extra long weekend, I am pleased with my progress. My baby steps are surer and my Cha-Cha slide didn’t take me as far backward. I’m very pleased with my progress.