Let’s get right to the catalyst for this latest frustrated and slightly (SLIGHTLY) petulant tizzy of mine. Baby Bub got her belly button pierced. I am not happy, to put it mildly, and I didn’t speak to her for two full days. Then she started being nice to me because she knew I was mad. Nicer than usual, because she’s not really all that nice to me. She’s not mean either. Just kind of indifferent, as only a 20-year-old can be with her mother. Yes, she is 20. Yes, she is a good girl, who is NOT boy crazy, nor does she wear crop tops or suggestive clothing. Yes, she makes her own money. Yes, I know it could be worse as in a nipple or genital piercing. Yes, I know she ALREADY has a nose piercing and a tattoo. Yes, I have two tattoos myself. Most of those statements are in response to what my friends commented on Facebook when I posted the picture that Baby Bub texted me with the caption “Yes, it is real”. I didn’t speak or respond to most of those friends for a couple of days too.
Here is the rub and why I finally approached my ex-cubicle mate at work, Kristen. The one who made the “she’s a good girl, remember that” comment and therefore, had been on my semi-shit list. Baby Bub is leaving on a trip to Nashville tomorrow for a long weekend. I can’t have my daughter flying across the country and something terrible happens while I’m angry and not talking to her. I’d never recover from something like that. But I was still mad! I’m running this all down to Kristen, with two other friends that work in her new cubicle, who are also Facebook friends that posted comments about this situation. When I told them the part about Baby Bub being nice to me, Kristen interrupted to say, “Of course. She’s probably scared of you like we are.” That shocked me and took quite a bit of the wind from my sails because Kristen is goddamn scary when she’s mad, so I thought that was kind of hilarious that she’d say that about me.
I’m angry and frustrated because there are better things Baby Bub could and damn well should be spending her money on. Like saving for a car. She really needs one and we had an opportunity for her to buy one about four or five months ago, but she backed down and let it fall to the wayside. She blew her savings on snowboarding equipment and travel trips to Nashville. She doesn’t want the responsibility of owning a car, being responsible for gas money, insurance and upkeep. More accurately, she’s afraid of it. We went through the same thing when she failed the driving test for her driver’s license when she was 17 years old. She refused to even try to take it until 3 weeks before her 19th birthday. This is not about her using my car either. She walks to and from her job when I’m at work. She’s limited in the kind of jobs she can work here in our small town and it has to be within walking distance. She is a great worker with a solid work ethic. She hasn’t missed a day of work from her job at Dunkin Donuts and often times they schedule her to open the store at 3:30 am.
My friends say I have to talk to her about why I’m upset and they are right. Communications between her and I have not gone smoothly in the past. I also am not sure about the fine line between pushing her too hard to grow up and insisting she takes on more adult responsibilities like owning a car which would give her more freedom and opportunity. I’m sick of being the grown up in this household. I’ve been doing it for 28 years since I gave birth to my oldest child. I’m ready for my girl-child to grow up.