In other words, step out of your comfort zone! As I mentioned in my first post “How Did I Get Here?”, the idea for this blog was suggested to me by a friend who was trying to help me out of a depressive funk. She thought it would be a good idea to blog about walking through my fears to accomplish certain declarations and goals I made that I was not living up to. I kind of liked the idea, but she and I were in the middle of a big community project at the time so the plan was tabled for a later date. However, the thought was in the back of my head, marinating. I loved Facebook and there were several pages and personalities that I followed who blogged really great stuff. Inspirational, motivational, uplifting posts that I related to in a big way.
The community project took front and center, then I accepted the #HowBigIsYourBrave/#LoveYourSelfie challenge. Life rolled along as I grew more confident and brave in my everyday life. Oh, yes, I also decided to MOVE from the apartment complex I’d lived in for 14 years too. I was cooking with grease and trying not to lose my mind figuring out exactly how to accomplish all of these life changes and events I decided to initiate or be a part of. Seriously, I was a typical couch potato, romantic novel reading middle-aged 40 something before I decided to finally start actively participating in creating the life I wanted. I felt so stuck and stagnant the last two or three years. Stricken with an ever increasing Divine Dissatisfaction with my job, myself, my life and how I avoided it with emotional eating and vegging in front of the tv. It was work, home, tv, eating unhealthy on a horribly massive scale, occasional outings with friends and social engagements. Just over a month ago I was complaining to my spiritual adviser how my body ached due to increased weight and decreased physical activity. My back, legs, arms, shoulders and neck were killing me the day of my move and well afterwards! And that was with a ton of help from friends at all stages of the move.
So here’s the thing about feeling stuck or stagnant. It’s a feeling, and you will see me write this over and over because I tend to forget. Feelings aren’t facts. The truth is I’ve been seeing a therapist since November of 2013. I found her through my Employee Assistance Program (EAP) at work to help me talk to my middle child, Lyndon who was 23 at the time. I was sending him to live with my sister and brother-in-law in Northern California. Well we had one session with my son before he left and the therapist suggested I continue seeing her since there were five more sessions available and I’d touched on some things worth exploring. Working with a therapist and a spiritual adviser is not being stuck or stagnant. It is doing the icky work of getting through my issues until I was at a place where I felt confident or fed up enough to finally DO SOMETHING. Or do some things about my life.
Now I am actively participating in creating the life I want. The life I firmly believe my Higher Power is calling me to live. I still have hiccups along the way. Fear, discouragement and frustration rear their ugly heads. But I ride them out. I have healthier ways of dealing with them. I’ve been telling my friends an incredible fact: since I moved into my new place on July 2nd I have BARELY watched television. It’s been so obvious that Baby Bub even remarked on it and anything that filters through to her awareness it pretty major. I don’t even have the desire to watch tv because I’m too busy writing, listening to Pandora on my smartphone or out and about with friends. My life has undergone a major reconstruction and this is only the beginning… Breaking my own barriers baby!